International Annoy Roronoa Zoro Day
by ClumsyPinkTiger
Summary: A Sequel of Sorts to The Way to a Man's Heart is Through his Stomach. Reading that first will help set the stage for this story, in which Zoro attempts to do battle with inanimate objects, grumbles about his inability to focus, deals with unruly birds, and in general has a very irritating day. Contains some LuNa goodness, FrankyXRobin goodness, and more Mugiwara hilarity.


Chapter I: Morning Meditation

The crew had dropped anchor between islands to relax and enjoy the weather for a few days. And so, today was turning out to be like almost any other day on the grandline with the Straw-Hat Crew just after an early breakfast: Usopp and Chopper were attempting to fish through the railing on the lawn deck; Sanji was starting preparation for lunch in the kitchen; Brook was working on a new song on his guitar from the swing on the shade tree; the two recently public couples were enjoying a game of cards on the grass . . .

"Luffy! Why are you discarding two Aces?!" Nami ranted at her captain-and one true love-thank you.

"Ehh. But I thought aces were bad, that's what Franky said." Luffy said whilst holding the cards in his hand and scratching his disheveled black hair.

Franky reached across to pick up the two aces out of Luffy's rubber hands and laid them down with the other two he had in his hand, resulting in the end of the game as Franky was now out of cards.

"SUPER!"

"Tch." Nami's eyebrow twitched as she forked over the cards in her hands to Franky so he could add the values of her cards to his score.

Robin giggled behind her hand as she handed her cards to her boyfriend, seemingly unabashed at also having lost the game to him.

Luffy looked at each face in turn-Nami, Franky, Robin-as he eyed the remaining cards in his hands.

"HRrrm." He studied the cards in his hand a bit longer. Nami sighed.

"Luffy! The game is over because Franky discarded, so you have to give him the rest of your cards."

Luffy continued to stare at the cards in his hand as Franky raised his eyebrows at his captain while he finished tallying up his score.

"Senchou-san?" Robin asked trying to prod Luffy into explaining his conundrum.

"HRRRRRRRMmmm." Luffy sighed more loudly as he procured five more cards from the back pocket of his shorts.

"OW! Luffy-san, why do you have cards in your back pocket!?" Franky pointed in indignation.

The shock on his face only mounted, however, when Luffy proceed to lay down every single remaining face card in the deck-all organized together in groups of four.

Everyone's jaws dropped.

Luffy scratched his chin again and furrowed his brow in thought.

"So if these are the cards I want to play on my turn, and I discard those two yucky aces, doesn't that mean I win?"

Robin's eyes grew big as she started to chuckle.

"You're right, Senchou-san!"

"B-b-bu-but, Sugar Muffin! I have the SUPER aces!?" Franky pointed at his stack in irritation.

Robin reached across to caress Franky's lips to placate him.

"I know, but Luffy-san is right. . .You took those aces out of Luffy's hand before he put them down, which means his turn wasn't over yet and his total score will definitely beat yours."

Franky pouted a bit in admission, but the pout was quickly replaced with a blushing smile as Robin leaned in to kiss him chastely on the lips in sympathy.

"I WIN. I WIN. I WIN. I WIN." Luffy chanted loudly and flopped onto his back on the grass erupting into his loud carefree laugh.

"Luffy! You giant, idiot-savant!" Nami yelled in the best frustrated voice she could muster, but she couldn't hide the enormous smile on her face, especially not since her feelings had been made public for her captain.

She blushed and reached down to smack him on the stomach. Because well, she was a complex woman. She couldn't handle how wonderful he made her feel when he was just being himself and she wanted to smack the shit out of him for it, damnit.

Luffy caught her hand mid-slap while still laughing and yanked her fully onto the grass on top of him. Her chest smashed into his.

"LUFF-" Her yell in his ear was cut off by his lips smothering hers as he crushed her body closer to his.

When he let her up for air, Franky and Robin had already gotten up from their spot on the grass to go lean on the railing together and gaze out at the sea arm-in-arm.

"What was that for?" Nami said breathlessly as she tried to tear her eyes away from his lips. He squeezed the exposed flesh by her hip where his hand was currently gripping her.

"I only like it when you yell in my ear for one reason, Nami." He said with heat in his eyes. Nami turned as red as a tomato.

From across the deck, Usopp yelled: "I HEARD that Luffy! Annnd I think I threw up in my mouth."

Performing a complete emotional 180, Luffy yelled back.

"Eww! GROSS! Mouth-throwup! BLECH" Luffy stuck out his tongue and Nami rolled her eyes at him and extricating herself from his arms, stood up.

She eyed the sky and the rising sun as its rays started their progress toward the crow's nest.

"It's going to be a hot one today."

"These climate shifts in the new world are so interesting, Nami-san." Robin mentioned from behind her.

Luffy stood up and eyed Nami blankly. She turned to him.

"Yes, that does mean I'll watch the rest of you at the solider dock swim in your swimmies later." Nami smiled at Luffy who smiled broadly back at her.

Chopper cheered.

"Sugar Muffin, I can always hold you so you can swim too."

Franky had sort of devised a way, using the soldier dock system, to allow even the devil fruit users to swim. Despite the way it drained Luffy and Chopper's power, they were still known to take advantage of it on particularly hot days. But it also meant they had to wear floats and swimmies and be supervised by someone in the crew who wasn't a devil fruit user.

"Hm. I might take you up on it this time if it's going to be as hot as Nami-san says." Robin eyed Franky.

"Nami, will you hold me too? Your boobies should be enough for floaties right?" Luffy asked innocently.

"I don't know if they are really big enough to over power you becoming a hammer in the ocean though, Luffy . . ." Usopp wondered with his hand on his chin.

"MY BREASTS ARE JUST FINE THANK YOU!" Nami bonked Usopp and Luffy over the head.

Usopp pretended to cry while Luffy looked confused.

"What what that for, Nami!?" He rubbed the bump on his head.

"Because you were standing there! That's why!" Luffy cocked his head to the side.

"Okay!" Franky facepalmed and muttered to Robin:

"Only our senchou is strong enough to be in a relationship with her. . ." Robin chuckled behind her hand.

...

Meanwhile, a ways above the growing hollering and laughing on the lawn deck on the part of his captain and the love of his captain's life, one devil-woman, Nami . . .Zoro was going about his afternoon in the crow's nest as he usually did: meditating before his exercise routine.

At least, he was attempting to meditate.

Mind you, as the first member and first mate of the Straw Hat crew, Zoro was more than capable of sleeping through, meditating during, and getting lost at the beginning of all sorts of crew-related fiascoes.

So a bit of horsing-around on the part of Luffy and Nami and some catcalls of annoyance from Usopp and Brook down below on the main deck were not going to disturb Zoro. If anything, that was like serenity to Zoro's ears that all was well with the crew and no one needed saving and no enemies needed cutting.

So, why in the hell couldn't he focus today?! His eyebrow twitched as he resettled his glutes in his cross-legged position on the floor of the crows nest.

No matter how he shifted himself or how he tried to channel his energy and focus his breathing, he just could not manage to calm down and sit still.

Exasperated, he stood up.

"Freakin' shit-cook's food, probably. . ." Zoro muttered an explanation for restlessness to himself.

Although, internally, Zoro knew that he had been more than pleased with the menu options today at breakfast. The long-legged okama-reject had even let him have more sake before lunch. Thinking on it, Zoro couldn't help opening his eye to check that the jug of sake was still happily in its position next to his weights.

Electing that maybe a small sip of sake would help settle him some more, Zoro sauntered over to the sake jug, pulled the stopper out and took a swig. The burn felt soothing, as usual, going down his throat.

He wiped the remaining dribble off his chin and sighing, sat back down, cross-legged in his meditation position.

Silence reigned for almost a full minute. Zoro shifted and scratched his neck.

Another minute passed and Zoro shifted again. Deciding to simply renew the intensity of his focus, Zoro willed his body not to move for a full five minutes and honed his mind to focus only on his breathing.

It seemed to be working, Zoro could feel himself sort of starting to settle into meditation. Pleased, he allowed himself to smirk for a second before lapsing back into focusing only on his breath.

He, of course, wasn't disturbed at all when he felt the crows nest vibrate a little as the mast that it sat on was impacted with something, or someone. Not ten seconds later, the loud signature laugh of his captain was heard on the deck below. Zoro didn't even flinch. In fact, it helped him settle even more into his meditation.

But, as if the world was somehow attempting to irritate Zoro on this specific day, in his discomfort earlier, he had forgotten one key fact about the crow's nest: the early morning sun would always shine with all its glory from the window he, unfortunately, settled himself in front of.

If he weren't so distracted today, he never would have made such a rookie mistake.

As the rays of the rising sun made their happiness known to Zoro's closed eyelids, he grumbled. The light was so bright with its refraction through the glass of the window that even from behind the eyelid of his still functioning eye, Zoro saw brilliant red and orange.

He chastised himself for letting something as insignificant to a great swordsman like him as the sun get in his way. So, he harumphed and decided to take on the sunlight.

Zoro-logic thoroughly in place, it was now a challenge to see how long he could put up with the now pulsatingly-bright orange-yellow-red of the sunlight shining directly in his face.

His breathing techniques long forgotten, Zoro set his jaw and crossed his arms in the best badass pose he could muster while sitting cross-legged with his eyes closed.

Neglecting to consider that if shit-cook could see him right now, he would probably ask him "what the shit are you doing, you shitty marimo," Zoro renewed his battle against the sunlight.

The sunlight answered back, thoroughly unintimidated, by continuing to rise.

Still not realizing the ridiculousness of the challenge Zoro had issued for himself, Zoro began to smile maniacally.

...

Meanwhile, back below on the lawn-deck. Luffy stopped in his game of 'throw blades of grass in Nami's hair and proceed to have her chase him around' when he felt the intensity of Zoro's instinct to fight increase through his haki senses.

He stopped mid-circle around the mast for the crow's nest and looked up. Nami crashed into him.

"LUFFY!" She yelled in his ear again and grabbed the back of his shirt in an attempt to throttle him when she noticed the expression on his face.

"Luffy? What's wrong?" She touched his cheek. Perhaps sensing something too, the rest of the crew on the deck turned to eye their captain.

After all, one of the greatest strengths of the Straw-Hat Crew was their ability to sense things when it counted, especially when it came to their captain. Even Sanji emerged from the kitchen with his sleeves rolled up and dough on his hands. He already had a lit cigarette in his mouth.

Sanji, another active user of sensing-haki among the crew, could also feel Zoro's intensity mount from within the kitchen.

"Tch. That idiot marimo. How can he manage to get into trouble while he's doing his stupid meditating." He shook his head.

"Hey did seem like he had some SUPER trouble sleeping last night." Franky added from nearby.

"Maybe there's an invisible foe somewhere on the SHIP! ahh!" Brook moaned in concern in a spooky voice.

Chopper screamed and climbed on Usopp's head.

Ever positive, Robin, offered her two cents: "If that were true, we could have all been murdered while we slept."

"WHY do you ALWAYS say things like that?!" Usopp yelled in despair.

Nami remained silent as she waited for Luffy, the person she trusted most in the world, to assess what was happening.

Luffy stared at the crow's nest for only a few more seconds.

Determining also through his superior haki senses that there was no threat nearby, Luffy's face resolved back into a goofy grin. His eyes turned to Nami. Taking on a devious glint, he smirked at her. She blushed back. In a sudden movement he reached down and flung Nami over his shoulder.

"Luffy! Not this again!" Luffy laughed hysterically as he resumed prancing around the lawn deck.

"You shitty captain! Don't let my Nami-schwan get dizzy before her beatific lunch is ready!"

Robin and Franky smiled as Chopper jumped down off of Usopp's head and grabbed fistfuls of grass and started throwing them at everyone.

"OW! Don't pull too much up, and ruin my ship design!"

"Don't worry, Franky-san, I'll just pour some milk on the grass to help it grow stronger! Yo-hohoho!"

Usopp sighed.

"Brook, no. Just. . .no."

...

Back up in the crow's nest, Zoro was completely unaware of how he was telegraphing his idiocy to the rest of the crew. Were it any other day, Zoro would likely not have found himself in such a predicament.

Several more minutes had passed as the light Zoro could see behind his eyelid turned a full-spectrum white. His battle with the sun was finally coming to a close.

Then, as if the sunlight had somehow snapped him out of his idiocy (or beaten him to Zoro's chagrin), Zoro realized what he was doing.

"Tch." Theorizing that he really must be losing it today if he was issuing non-verbal challenges to the sunlight, Zoro scratched his moss green head in disgruntlement.

"I must just be itching for a good fight . . ." Deciding that maybe he would just ask Luffy or shit-cook for a spar later he sighed again. But, the glaring sun did not cease and desist, of course, and his focus from this position was long since ruined.

Deciding he just needed to avoid what just happened, he turned his body a full 180 degrees so his back was now facing the still rising sun.

Still feeling its heat on his back, Zoro sighed heavily and tried to focus once more on his breathing.

This had to be the worst meditation session he had since he was a young boy and . . .when she was still alive. . .

The memory of the true owner of his greatest sword, Wado, was always in the back of Zoro's mind, not to mention how she had changed him. But, today, he felt the sadness of her loss so many years ago hit him a little harder between the chest.

He rolled his neck to try to resettle his thoughts.

"Why am I so emotional today?!" He muttered in annoyance.

Embarrassed even at the way he just phrased his own comment about himself, Zoro envisioned Sanji asking him if it was "that time of the month for all Marimo's." Getting angry at the imaginary Sanji in his head, Zoro growled.

"Stupid turd-eyebrow-cook." Somehow, however, his anger at the Sanji-voice in his head helped him refocus. Sanji, was, afterall still a member of the crew that was Zoro's only family.

After a few more moments of near peace and focused breathing, Zoro was pleased. Just a few more minutes and he'd be satisfied enough with this meditation today to move on to weight training.

It was then that the sun had once again proven its strength as an opponent. The heat of the bright light coming through the window was causing the temperature to rise rather rapidly in the crow's nest.

Now, Zoro was certainly not one to be thrown off by a little sweat, but given how his morning was going . . .

He shifted uncomfortably as he felt the sweat build underneath his tight white shirt that he wore for workouts.

His unsettled body itched to remove it.

He tried to will the irritation away.

Unfortunately, a very unruly drop of sweat made its way down Zoro's forward and over his nose while another irritatingly went over his brow and dripped into his closed eye.

"FINE!" In a woosh he swung up onto his feet and pulled his shirt off in furious irritation. He did so, however, with such reckless abandon, that he ripped it in half in the process.

He ground his teeth together and marched over to the wall to grab the small ladder in the crow's nest used to get to the large porthole window in the ceiling.

He muscled the window open. Thankfully, a cooling breeze made its way across Zoro's very sweaty exposed chest.

Already feeling very much relieved, he kicked his ruined shirt to the side as his eye caught the sake bottle. It seemed just about the only thing going right for him at the moment had been the fine taste of the sake.

Electing to take another swig, he opened the stopper and tasted it.

Settling down one last time with the resolution of finishing his meditation in peace, Zoro took a deep breath.

As he closed his eye and felt his pulse settle with deep, even breathing, a large seagull chanced to fly overhead.

At the precise moment that the gull's rear end was aligned with the open ceiling-porthole-window in the crow's nest, it crapped on Zoro's head with a resounding ker-plop.

Zoro's eyebrow twitched as he felt the nastiness merge with his now very sweaty head.

It was official, he decided, the world was out to irritate him today. He stood up with the sole intention of jumping straight into the freezing ocean and cleansing himself. To hell with meditation today.


End file.
